Yesterday I was diagnosed with Cancer for the third time. As I wrote that sentence I find myself thinking should the c of Cancer be Capitalised or not? I’m sure it’s the correct thing to do, grammatically speaking, but it does seem to give a little too much nobility to an insidious, malevolent indiscriminate disease. These are the things that are bothering me right now.
I’m sure that there should be bigger issues at play in my mind but if they are I have done a sufficiently good job of pushing them to the back or into a box that they are not troubling me right now.
Or maybe, having been here twice before I am accepting of it, I know what I am going to do and I am dealing with it. I am a survivor, I am a thriver and I will be fucked if I am not going to thrive again.
For the sake of perspective and history it’s probably worth filling in my back-story. In 2004 I was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer that had metastasised to my lymph and lung and by the time I had treatment there were 31 tumors in my body. I had a right Orchidectomy (testicle removed) and 12 weeks of BEP Chemotherapy and was happily into remission.
Oh by the by this blog isn’t going to be just about being ill it’s about the surviving and thriving as a result of it, but if I started talking straight away about climbing mountains and running then well frankly it would just be really dull as opposed the acquired reading it is now.
In 2007 a routine scan showed up a lump in a lymph node behind my stomach so I had a para aortic lymph node dissection (Key hole surgery) to remove that and it turned out that it was dead Cancer cells.
Later that year another lump was found dangling, yes an odd word, from my lung. By the time that was removed it was the size of a cricket ball but fortunately was removed cleanly and no need for Chemo or Radiotherapy. That wasn’t key hol surgery to this day I still look like I got attacked by a shark.
And to 2013 and now I have an actively cancerous lump in my lymph nodes behind my stomach so now waiting for a PET scan to make sure it hasn’t spread, then another surgery and some Chemo to kill it all.
So to quote Auric Goldfinger or Ian Fleming via his Titular character: Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it’s enemy action. So Cancer if it’s a fight you want it’s a fight you’ll get. I’m coming for you this time and yay though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil for I am the meanest son of a bitch in this valley and Cancer your time is done with me.